Consequences of reading too many romance novel summaries

[john_amend_all]

From time to time, as I've transcribed romance novel summaries into the generator, I've come across ones which merited a brief comment. For example, there's Wedding Cake Wishes by Dana Corbit:

To save his mother's business, rugged outdoorsman Logan Warren has to learn about wedding cakes and keeping customers. A confirmed bachelor, he can barely handle the brides that come in wanting buttercream this and frosted that. Yet when family friend Caroline Scott offers to help out, Logan isn't relieved. Caroline is his polar opposite. He's motorcycles and wildlife--she's business suits and ledgers. The one thing they have in common?

At which point, my inner Crow T. Robot promptly suggested "// Neither of them can cook?"

Then I got onto Mountains Apart by Carol Ross...

Winning this battle could mean losing it all.

San Diego workaholic Emily Hollings doesn't eat fish, doesn't wear flannel shirts and certainly doesn't fraternize with the enemy. So why is she finding herself charmed by Rankins, Alaska—her company's next development target—and the leader of its hostile opposition // ... as opposed to the leader of its favourable opposition?

, Bering James?

She must be more burned-out than she thought. Her professional reserve is slipping. And she's starting to fantasize about a life beyond work… a life like Bering has here. Maybe they can put their professional differences aside and explore this… friendship. Or maybe she's just deluding herself. // A Mills and Boon heroine deluding herself? Say it ain't so.

Because one of them has to win.

Anyway, I fed it into the generator's ravenous maw:

207) Mountains Apart by Carol Ross
Winning this battle could mean losing it all.
San Diego workaholic Servalan doesn't eat fish, doesn't wear flannel shirts and certainly doesn't fraternize with the enemy. So why is she finding herself charmed by Rankins, Alaska — her company's next development target — and the leader of its hostile opposition, Kerr Avon?
She must be more burned-out than she thought. Her professional reserve is slipping. And she's starting to fantasize about a life beyond work… a life like Kerr has here. Maybe they can put their professional differences aside and explore this… friendship. Or maybe she's just deluding herself. Because one of them has to win.

Servalan as a ruthless property developer sounds like a reasonable B7 AU, but the mental image of her in a flannel shirt made me think: "Deep down, Servalan never really wanted to be a galactic tyrant. She always wanted to be... a lumberjack!" [Cue chorus]
This entry was originally posted at http://john-amend-all.dreamwidth.org/96748.html. Feel free to comment there or here.

Comments

[thisbluespirit]

At which point, my inner Crow T. Robot promptly suggested "// Neither of them can cook?"

Heh. :-)

I was thinking the other day that the Regency-gothic type summaries seem to work (for me) and wondering if that was an actual subset of M&B Historical. Whether or not it is, what actually happened when I wound up searching for M&B and gothic was that I got an imprint that apparently just rips off everything like Twilight. But of course. Except it does give the weirdest feeling of M&B plots that have already been run through some kind of random generator.

Valkyrie’s Conquest – Sharon Ashwood (M&B Nocturne Cravings)

Can a fire-breathing shape-shifter melt a Norse battle maiden's heart?
As a Valkyrie, Tyra was created for one purpose: to reap souls for Odin's army. After centuries of walking among mortal warriors, she finally discovers what it is to want a man during a chance encounter with a dragon in human form.
Bron has no part in the war between the demons and the gods' chosen people—nor does he want one. Finally free from the oppressive rule of the dragon queen, he desires nothing more than his independence. But, when Tyra is betrayed, he finds he has no choice but to take a side in the struggle between good and evil.
Once he joins the battle, Bron is subject to the Fates, whom Tyra serves. Will she defy the will of the gods to spare the dragon she loves?

The Ninja Vampire’s Girl – Michele Hauf (M&B Nocturne Bites)
Coco Stevens has a taste for adventure—enough to risk stealing a halo from a Fallen angel to help her sister. But she never imagined her mission would land her in the arms of a scarred—but still dangerously sexy—vampire!
Zane is on his own quest to hunt a Fallen angel, and will do whatever it takes to win...including bite the interfering Coco. Even if it joins them by an erotic bond that warms both vampire and mortal's blood with desire...

The Resurrectionist – Sierra Woods (M&B Nocturne )

Dani is tough…even the grave couldn’t keep her down. Ever since mysterious beings brought her back from her tragic murder, she’s been using her newfound powers to restore justice. It’s dangerous work and backup doesn’t hurt – especially when it’s from hunky cop Sam Lopez.
There’s only one catch: after what her ex-husband did, Dani can never trust another man. She’ll just have to keep ignoring the heat sizzling between them. But as a great evil begins to rise, Dani and Sam must get closer than they’ve ever been before.


The Witch’s Initiation – Elle James (M&B Nocturne)

Possessed by desire… Undercover cop Cal Black has never encountered the paranormal…until now. His mission is simple: to investigate the disappearance of a sorority girl from a private college. But there are two complications: the girl’s a witch and her sister is the enchantress who broke his heart. Deme Chattox isn’t looking for a man. Especially a bad boy like Cal, even though every inch of her body remembers the magic of his touch, but she’s determined to find her little sister without Cal’s expertise. That is, until they unearth terrifying secrets buried deep in the underground that threaten to destroy her.

(And talking of summaries that feel as if they've already been fed through the generator, I read this one too speedily and blinked a bit...

The Master of Stonegrave Hall – Helen Dickson (M&B Historical)

FEW DEFY LORD ROCKFORD AND COME AWAY UNSCATHED Victoria Lewis has grown up in the long, dark shadows cast by Stonegrave Hall. Yet when the Master takes her sick mother into his care she must finally confront the man whose presence is as brooding as his windswept Yorkshire lands. Men quake at Lord Rockford’s mere command, yet this slip of a girl defies him at every turn! His fury at her is matched only by his desire, and Victoria’s pure innocence burns brightly in the darkness of the Hall. But the light threatens to lay bare secrets that could ruin them both.

[john_amend_all]

If I had to guess, I'd say that the characters in the earlier summaries had been generated by something like They Fight Crime. She's a shapeshifting artistic ex-succubus with a guilty secret! He's a swordstick-wielding half-dragon half-vampire! Together, they bump uglies fight crime!

Let's hope the Master in the last one isn't Simm, or he'll keep on interrupting the action to bash out Scissor Sisters hits on ye olde pianoforte...

Having mentioned Servalan as a lumberjack, I couldn't resist:

She cuts down trees, she skips and jumps,
She polishes the floor.
On Wednesdays she goes shopping,
And massacres the poor.

She's a lumberjack and she's OK...

And regarding "Neither of them can cook":

"It looks all right," Jamie protested.

Samantha folded her arms. "And what good's that gonna be when Polly tries to cut it? This is all your fault."

"How's it my fault?"

"Because, Jamie McCrimmon, you were the one who said 'How hard can it be?'" Samantha gave the cake an accusatory prod. "Well, now we know. I've seen softer rocks. We'll have to start again."

"We've not got the time."

"So how are they supposed to cut it, then?"

Jamie gave her what was probably intended to be a reassuring look. "I'm sure I saw a hacksaw somewhere round here."

[thisbluespirit]

:lol:!

If I had to guess, I'd say that the characters in the earlier summaries had been generated by something like They Fight Crime.

It does feel a bit like that, yes. Though I suspect actually by going through novels of that genre and adapting to M&B format, especially judging by some of the others.

[john_amend_all]

I was looking through old tags and stumbled across those summaries again. At least one of them's going in the generator, the next time I upload. How could I do otherwise, when it's such a good fit for Lucie, Peri, however many B7 characters, the Master (well, except for the restoring-justice part), and especially...

280) The Resurrectionist – Sierra Woods (M&B Nocturne )
Gene Hunt is tough… even the grave couldn’t keep him down. Ever since mysterious beings brought him back from his tragic murder, he’s been using his newfound powers to restore justice. It’s dangerous work and backup doesn’t hurt – especially when it’s from seductive cop Dayna Mellanby.
There’s only one catch: after what his ex-wife did, Gene can never trust another woman. He’ll just have to keep ignoring the heat sizzling between them. But as a great evil begins to rise, Gene and Dayna must get closer than they’ve ever been before.

ETA: And then I experimented with putting Knightmare characters in the custom list.

282) The Master of Stonegrave Hall – Helen Dickson (M&B Historical)
Few defy Lord Lord Fear and come away unscathed...
Emma Swan has grown up in the long, dark shadows cast by Stonegrave Hall. Yet when the Master takes her sick mother into his care she must finally confront the man whose presence is as brooding as his windswept Yorkshire lands. Men quake at Lord Fear's mere command, yet this slip of a girl defies him at every turn! His fury at her is matched only by his desire, and Emma’s pure innocence burns brightly in the darkness of the Hall. But the light threatens to lay bare secrets that could ruin them both.

[thisbluespirit]

I'd forgotten those! That was a weird(er than usual) M&B imprint, but you're right, that summary does fit Gene eerily well. (UNless they were just ripping off that as well, since barely-disguised rip-offs seems to be how that imprint works!)

Should be fun to add to the generator, though. (It won't explode under all these extra summaries, will it?)

[john_amend_all]

It seems to be holding up so far, though I'll keep an eye on the JavaScript console for errors along the lines of "Maximum number of arrogant foreign tycoons exceeded."