john_amend_all: (holmes)
[personal profile] john_amend_all

For whatever reason, I decided to write the Who characters' reactions to the Gatiss/Moffat 'Sherlock'...


"He's good, I suppose," the First Frontier Master said, grudgingly. "But he's no Basil Rathbone."

The Simm Master smirked. "Of course, you would say that, wouldn't you? I thought Watson was a handsome devil, myself."

"Perhaps you should ask him out," the Jacobi Master said.

"Maybe I will. What can he do? Shoot me? Been there, done that."


"What's up?" Zoe asked her lookalike.

Jenny wiped her eyes. "One of the victims was called Jennifer Wilson. I wondered if she's me, and that's how I die."

"There are three good reasons why she isn't you," Zoe said. "One: You'd be older than that by 2010. Mid-fifties, probably. Two: Her hair's curly and blonde, and yours is straight and brunette. Three: She's married, so 'Wilson' would be her husband's surname."

"Oh." Jenny perked up slightly.

"The problem is," Zoe continued, rattling the points off like a machine gun, "all of those can be countered. One: You've travelled with the Doctor, so he could drop you off in your future and your age would match. Two: Hairdressers. Three: Maybe she uses her maiden name when fooling about with her army of lovers."

Isobel leaned over Zoe's shoulder. "And, Four: She's got no taste at all. That awful Seventies stuff you wear has got to count against you there."

"You think she is me," Jenny said, her brief flash of cheerfulness fading. "I'm going to die in an empty flat in Brixton after deceiving my husband for years and owning a pink suitcase. What can I do?"

"Grin and bear it," Isobel said. "Everyone else does."

"Look at me," Zoe added. "Pick your spinoff work. I've been raped, mindwiped, traumatised, mutilated, mindwiped again, driven to the point of suicide, and got a bullet in the bottom. Still, you've got to laugh, haven't you?"

Jenny stared at her. "A bullet in your bottom?"

"She's exaggerating," Isobel said. "She got hit by a ricochet and the author never said exactly where. It's just one online reviewer who said that made him think she got hit in the bum."

"After all," Samantha said, appearing over Zoe's other shoulder, "it's a big enough target, isn't it?"


"I suppose he could be worse," the Fourth Doctor said. "But he's no Tom Baker."

"Perhaps we should be grateful for small mercies," Romana muttered under her breath.


"SERIAL KILLERS ARE BORING," Dalek Thay proclaimed.

"THEY FAFF ABOUT," Dalek Jast agreed. "THEY SHOULD GET STRAIGHT DOWN TO THE EXTERMINATING AND NOT WITTER ON ALL THE TIME."

"AND THEY HAVE STUPID MOTIVES. OR NO PROPER MOTIVE AT ALL. DALEK MOTIVES ARE SENSIBLE."

"IF A DALEK WANTS SOMEONE DEAD, THEY ARE DEAD." Jast glanced at the Doctor, and had the grace to let his eyestalk droop slightly. "WITH ONE OR TWO MINOR EXCEPTIONS."


"I was just waiting for someone to make a Princess Bride reference," Izzy said. "You know, for Watson to say something like 'actually, both pills were poisoned.'"

"'Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet,'" Martha quoted. "'Because he would know that only a great fool would reach for what he was given.'"

"'I'm not a great fool,'" Izzy replied. "'So I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.'"

"I think it's got to be because this world didn't have the Sherlock Holmes stories," Martha said. "So they didn't have the original Study in Scarlet. Perhaps the whole 'one glass is poisoned and the other isn't' thing never got started, and their version of The Princess Bride didn't have that scene."

"That would make sense. 'Truly, you have a dizzying intellect.'"

Martha clapped her hands. "And they had Watson get involved in a land war in Asia!"


"And what do you think, my love?" the Forty-Second Doctor asked his teenage wife.

"Oh, in my top five," Iphigenia said, and squeezed his hand. "But he's no Ian Richardson."

Date: 2010-07-26 12:06 am (UTC)
clocketpatch: A small, innocent-looking red alarm clock, stuck forever at 10 to 7. (11 Mad man with a Toothbrush)
From: [personal profile] clocketpatch
I'm not entirely sure what's in this post, but Martha quoting the Princess Bride made me grin and:

"IF A DALEK WANTS SOMEONE DEAD, THEY ARE DEAD." Jast glanced at the Doctor, and had the grace to let his eyestalk droop slightly. "WITH ONE OR TWO MINOR EXCEPTIONS."

Made me out and out laugh out loud.

So, having read all that, this Moffat Sherlock, it any good then? I hear that Matty Boy auditioned for the Watson role and got picked for the Doctor instead, and that's basically all I know about it.


Date: 2010-07-26 09:15 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jjpor.livejournal.com
And without the Mormon-bashing!

I liked it a lot; one thing that made me laugh was the reference to Watson's infamous wandering wound, that's in his leg in some stories and his shoulder in others, depending on whether Arthur Conan Doyle could be bothered with continuity.

Date: 2010-07-27 07:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] daibhid-c.livejournal.com
"He's alright" the Nth Doctor admitted, "But he's no..."

"I wouldn't bother," said Rita "No-one will get the reference. No-one will even care."


"He's not bad," said Captain Jack, "But he's no John Barrowman."

Ianto stared at him "Barrymore, Jack. John Barrymore."

"What did I say?"

Date: 2010-07-27 07:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] daibhid-c.livejournal.com
That should be "Ria" not "Rita", obviously...

Date: 2010-07-27 08:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] daibhid-c.livejournal.com
And yeah, Jonathan Pryce. He was quite good; shame about the rest of it.

(It was by the makers of Robin Hood, and there was a character who was supposed to be a girl disguised as a boy, but was a) very clearly a girl and b) wearing exotic foreign clothes so it wasn't immediately obvious she was dressed as a boy at all. They learnt nothing from Djaq...)

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